Ask Amy: I found out my daughter’s father is not who I thought he was
, 2022-06-19 23:52:59,
I’m mostly concerned about this because she knows that the man I married (her non-DNA dad, who I later divorced) is an alcoholic. His mother and two aunts each died of genetic cancers.
If she learns about her DNA, my daughter will no longer believe she carries those potentially life-ending traits, but I still wonder if she should be told.
I certainly don’t want to tell my ex-husband — and won’t.
— Mama’s Baby, Daddy’s Maybe
Mama: Yes, you should tell your daughter.
If you can’t justify telling her the truth about her genetic history simply because it is the truth (and medically important to her), consider this: She’s going to find out, anyway.
The ubiquity of DNA testing is quickly blowing the lid off family secrets, and the speed of this huge and sweeping change also gives you an out.
You don’t actually have to spend years sitting on this knowledge and wrestling with this dilemma. Because she’s going to find out, anyway. So tell her now.
People should know the truth about their DNA heritage, if at all possible. Sometimes the truth carries tremendous surprises or huge challenges. Oftentimes it answers deep-seated questions people have held but never expressed — about hair or eye color, posture, preferences and personality.
Your daughter might be truly shocked by this revelation.
She might blame or judge you for your long-ago one-night-stand. Given the genetic history you cite, she…
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